The Bishounen Camera
by Shinigami Baby
Summary: I get my hands on the Bishounen Camera... BWAHAHAHAHA! *yaoi*
1. Default Chapter Title

Heh. This is something rather different. Thanks to Yasashii for lending me the ever-precious Bishounen Camera! ARIGATOU! =^_^= No real warnings here, except for yaoi, but when you read a fic by me, that's expected, ne? Anyway, on with the ficcyness! Enjoy, minna!  
  
"The Bishounen Camera"  
by Shinigami Baby  
  
  
Shinigami Baby looked down at the beautiful gift she borrowed from a certain kitsune we all know named Yasashii. Her blue-green eyes grew large and sparkly and a little smile crept onto her mouth, baring small neko fangs.  
  
"The Bishounen Camera..." She whispered in awe, wiping a spec of drool from her lip. She stroked the camera gently as if it were a sleeping child, contemplating her first vict- err, *subject*. Her mind flooded with images of fan-girl's drool-worthy, glompable bishounen. Trowa Barton. Duo Maxwell. Trowa Barton. Quatre Raberba Winner. Trowa Barton. Zechs Merquise. Trowa Barton. Wufei Chang. Trowa Barton...  
  
After some careful consideration and a small headache, Shinigami Baby came to her decision. "So many choices, but I think Trowa Barton will be the first." She said thoughtfully. Readers everywhere sweatdropped.  
  
Using the special Bishounen Radar, which is installed in EVERY drooling fan-girl, Shini-chan had no trouble at all locating her first vict- err *subject*. The circus. Shinigami Baby took in a deep breath as she watched a delicious, sexy, sweat-covered Trowa exit the tent. It took all of her strength and self-control to keep her from running over there and glomping a very unsuspecting Trowa.  
  
Instead, she sat on the ground and placed the camera on a large rock, turning it on herself and hitting record. "Ohayou. This is Shinigami Baby here on the territory of a Bishounen. Today's vict-err *subject* is..." her eyes got all huge and sparkly "Trrrrowa Barrrton..." She purred. "Trowa is what we call a 'Uni-bang Bishounen'. This means instead of having normal bangs like most Bishounen, our dear Trowa has one really big one. This paticular Uni-Bang Bishounen enjoys animals, the flute, and kawaii little blonde heirs named Quatre Raberba Winner... and now, minna-san... THE FUN PART!!!"  
  
She grabbed the camera and put it on her shoulder, filming as she walked. "These creatures I am passing are called 'extras'. Their job is small, but oh so important. They provide the Uni-Bang Bishounen with a job and den, the latter of which, we are approaching now..."  
  
"OI! Who are you?!" A voice shouted off-camera.  
  
Shinigami Baby turned around and focused the camera on a scantily clad young woman. "Ahh.. it is the Overly-Protective-Sister Shoujo."  
  
"What the hell?" Catherine demanded. "Do you have permission to be here, neko-woman?"  
  
Shinigami Baby's neko ears twitched as she thought of a lie. "Uhh... I'm here on a job... for Quatre-sama. Heh heh."  
  
"That's unlikely!" Catherine said, folding her arms.  
  
"Oh?"   
  
"Hai. Why would Quatre send you here if he's here already? Hmm?"  
  
"Quatre's here TOO?!" Shinigami Baby felt the sparkles surround her... again. Not only would she get Trowa on tape, but Quatre too? Kami-sama.. Life doesn't get much better. Maybe she could even get a nice lemony scene... hmmm the possibilities... "NANI!? When was I put out HERE!?" Shinigami Baby wondered as she found herself back outside the circus camp area. "Hn. They must've hauled me off while I was thinking of nice yaoi things between Trowa and Quatre." She stood up and brushed the dirt off her tail. "No matter! I WILL get them on tape! For the sake of fan-girls EVERYWHERE!!!"  
  
She reached over for the Bishounen Camera and made her way back to Trowa's trailer, this time a little more discretely. She went AROUND the camp instead of right through it, and she was especially careful of avoiding the Overly-Protective-Sister Shoujo. Once she reached Trowa's trailer, she set the camera in one of the back windows and hit record. She cleared her throat and began her narrative.  
  
"This is the habitat of the Uni-Bang Bishounen. Here we notice that although being a rather tall creature, he lives in a rather enclosed area. Note the small, twin-sized bed. Not exactly accomidating for having guests." Shinigami Baby gasped when Trowa came into view. "H-here is our subject, Trowa Barton... and he... he's not wearing a shirt......." She didn't bother to wipe the drool from her mouth, she didn't even notice it, really. "He seems to be preparing for his nightly bed routine, apparently he has just gotten out of the shower. He is now approaching his sleeping area and pulling back the blankets."  
  
A knock came to the trailer door.   
  
Trowa looked up from his bed. "Who is it?" He called.  
  
"Special delivery! The universe's greatest love!" An effeminite voice called from behind the door.  
  
The corners of Trowa's mouth curved upwards slightly as he walked over to the door and opened it. Instantly, a slightly smaller boy threw himself into Trowa's arms.  
  
"Aww..." Shinigami Baby mused. "This is apparently the Uni-Bang Bishounen's koi, the Tenshi Bishounen..."  
  
"I missed you so much, Tro-chan..."  
  
Trowa ruffled Quatre's hair affectionately. "I missed you as well. How have things been on the colony?"  
  
Quatre looked up at him with loving, but sad eyes. "It's lonely there without you, koi."  
  
Trowa lowered his head and met Quatre's lips for a short kiss.  
  
"It's lonely here, too..." Trowa said.  
  
Quatre squeezed Trowa tighter, burying his head in his chest.  
  
"This is the angsty moment expected in almost every yaoi fanfic... unless it's that comedy crap that I write... oh well. Angst also makes for very good lemons... heh heh." Shinigami Baby said, while filming.  
  
Trowa kissed the top of Quatre's head. "Don't be sad, tenshi. At least we can be together tonight."  
  
"I still wish you didn't have to leave so soon. You've only been on this colony for a week." Quatre said.  
  
"I know, but that's life in the circus. Traveling is required." Trowa sat down on the bed.  
  
Quatre sat beside him, one hand resting on his thigh. "But I always miss you when you're away."  
  
"And I miss you terribly."  
  
"Do you know when I'll be able to see you again?" Quatre asked.  
  
"I'm not sure. A week, two weeks, maybe even a month."  
  
Quatre laid down. "A month? You'll forget about me, won't you?"  
  
Trowa turned around and faced him. "Never. How can I forget you if you haunt my dreams everynight?"  
  
Quatre's mouth opened in surprise, but no words came out. Trowa took this opportunity to fill it with his tongue.  
  
"Whoa..." Shinigami Baby said. "I think I know where this is going..."  
  
The next morning...  
  
Quatre rolled over and nuzzled at Trowa's neck. "Trowa... it's morning, wake up."  
  
Trowa made a few mumbling sounds and grabbed a pillow, hugging it tightly. "Nnnn.. Quatre..."  
  
Quatre frowned. "I'M OVER HERE, BAKA!" He shouted, grabbing the pillow and whacking Trowa over the head with it.  
  
Trowa sat up and felt his head. Then he looked over at Quatre. He pulled the blonde into his arms and kissed his neck. "Good Morning, koi..."  
  
Quatre squirmed a bit. "Don't tease, I have to get home, and you need to pack your stuff. You're moving today, remember?" Trowa was teasing him a bit too much.  
  
"Ooh, what's that, hmm? Happy to see me?" Trowa asked, stroking him.  
  
Quatre's face turned red. "Trowa, don't tease me like this, you have to get ready to go mmmmrph!"  
  
Trowa silenced Quatre with a forceful kiss, then suddenly stopped.  
  
"Did you hear that?" Trowa asked.  
  
"HEY! Don't stop!" Quatre demanded.  
  
"No, I'm serious, I hear something outside... listen."  
  
Outside the trailer, Shinigami Baby was curled in a ball snoring like there was no tomorrow.  
  
"Oh Allah, is it a monster?" Quatre asked.  
  
Trowa shook his head and got out of the bed. He walked over to the door.  
  
"Trowa!" Quatre shouted.  
  
Trowa turned around. "Hmm?"  
  
"Clothes..." Quatre suggested.  
  
Torwa looked down and realized that he was naked. "Oh." He blushed and threw some pants on before stepping out of the trailer. He followed the noise to the back of his trailer where he found a sleeping neko-shoujo. Trowa cleared his throat. Nothing happend. He shook her a bit with his foot.  
  
Shinigami Baby sat up. "C'mon, Mommy.. 5 more minutes..." She mumbled.  
  
Trowa raised an eyebrow. "Oi, I'm not your mother."  
  
She opened one eye, then both of them. "Oh. My. GOD!" She happily shrieked as she glomped Trowa.  
  
"AAAGH! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!" Trowa shouted.  
  
Catnerine ran around the corner and spotted Shinigami Baby. "YOU again!?" She grabbed the Bishounen Camera and handed it to Shinigami Baby. "Remove yourself from my brother, take your camera, and get the HELL outta here!"  
  
Shinigami Baby remembered what was on the tape and grabbed it quickly, then ran off, leaving a smoke cloud behind her. Trowa and Catherine sweatdropped.  
  
A few hours later...  
  
"...And that concludes my coverage of the Uni-bang Bishounen. Arigatou and Oyasumi." She reached over and shut the camera off.  
  
END


	2. Default Chapter Title

Bwahahaha! Risquéness! Risquéness! Warnings: Naked, terrified Wufei, horny Sally, and... yeah, that's it.   
  
"The Bishounen Camera" Part 2  
by Shinigami Baby  
  
  
Wufei Chang ran into his dressing room clad only in a leopard skin thong. He slammed the door behind himself and locked it. He caught his breath and shook his head. "Damn crazy women..." He said.  
  
It was after the war now and Wuffy-kins was hurting for cash. The only job he could think of, for fanfiction's sake, was stripping. He'd been stripping not even a week now and already he was being harrassed at home, stalked, and adored of course by a large following of crazed, drooling fangirls. One fangirl in paticular was hiding in his closet, toting the ever coveted Bishounen Camera.   
  
Every second was being filmed. The lens poked out just enough to see what was going on, but not too much as to be noticed. 'C'mon Wu-baby, take it off!' Shinigami Baby thought to herself, unable to give her narrative since she was 'incognito'. She'd just dub her narrative over the tape later. Just then, a knock came to the door.  
  
"Who's there!?" Wufei shouted angrily.  
  
"Wufei, it's alright. It's me. Sally."  
  
"Oh, Sally." Wufei walked over to the door and unlocked it, letting Sally in. "Thank Nataku it's you and not one of those bizarre drooling women that have been chasing me."  
  
Sally smirked. "So you're happy to see me?"  
  
"Yes. It's always nice to see a good friend."  
  
"Hmm..." Sally stepped closer. "So, how do you like your new job?"  
  
"Well I can't complain about the money, that's for sure. The women around here can be pretty scary though."  
  
Sally studied his muscular body. "I see..."  
  
Wufei noticed her gaze. "S-Sally?"  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"What are you-?!"  
  
Sally pushed him onto the bed.  
  
"SALLY!?"  
  
Sally jumped ontop of Wufei after ripping his thong off.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" Wufei cried. "Sally! STOP!!!"  
  
"Are you trying to tell me that you're not enjoying yourself?" Sally asked, pointing to his rather prominent erection.  
  
"It's not that, it's just... well... I was saving myself."  
  
"SAVING YOURSELF!? I thought you were married at one point."  
  
"I was. We just... never... consumated the marriage. We were good friends, that's all."  
  
"Oh my God, you're a virgin!?" Sally exclaimed.  
  
"Like I have a choice in the matter!"  
  
"Actually, if you want..." Sally winked suggestively.  
  
Wufei's nose dripped a bit of blood. "Aaagh! Maybe you should go!"  
  
"Is that what you REALLY want?"  
  
"Well... I...err... yes?" Wufei was never good at lying.  
  
"WOOHOO! Get 'im, Sally!" Shinigami Baby cheered.  
  
Wufei and Sally looked at eachother, then over at the closet. Sally got up and walked over to the closet, opening the door to reveal a neko-shoujo with a camera.  
  
"Uhh... what's that?" Sally asked.  
  
Shinigami Baby grinned. "The Bishounen Camera... heh heh..."  
  
Sally arched an eyebrow. "What are you? Some kinda voyeur?"  
  
"Not on purpose!" Shinigami Baby defended herself. "That's just how things have been ending up lately..."  
  
"Huh? 'Lately'?! You've done this before? To who?" Wufei demanded.  
  
"Do the numbers 3 and 4 ring a bell?" Shinigami Baby asked.  
  
"AAAIIIIEEEEEE!" Wufei screamed, blood shooting from his nose. "They.... they.... they...?"  
  
"Yeah. Quatre's got some amazing stamina." Shinigami Baby commented.  
  
"EEEEEWWWW!" Wufei screamed, trying to push the image out of his head.  
  
"It was kawaii!" Shinigami Baby defended her 3x4 obsession.  
  
"Onna, you are INSANE!" Wufei shouted.  
  
"SO!?" Shinigami Baby shouted back.  
  
"Uh...." Wufei couldn't think of anything right away. "You.... you ONNA!"  
  
"Ouch." Shinigami Baby said sarcastically.  
  
Wufei growled. Shinigami Baby grinned sheepishly. Sally sighed.  
  
"Are we gonan do it or not?!" Sally yelled.  
  
"Please do it!" Shinigami Baby pleaded.  
  
"What!? What makes you think I'm gonna say 'yes'?" Wufei asked.  
  
"Well, the fact that you haven't made ANY attempt to get some clothes on should be some indication." Sally observed.  
  
"Yeah!" Shinigami Baby said.  
  
"Urusai!" Wufei cried, covering his Justice Rod, just a little embarrassed.  
  
Sally looked at Shinigami Baby and winked. Shinigami Baby nodded. "Well, I'll just leave you two now... heh heh." She left the room, leaving the Bishounen Camera on the table, pointing at the bed. Unbeknownst to Wufei, it was on.  
  
"Thank Nataku she's gone." Wufei said, breathing out.  
  
Sally smirked. "So..."  
  
"So?"  
  
"So are we gonna... you know?"  
  
"Will you leave me alone afterwards if I say 'yes'?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Okay, let's do this then."   
  
Sally smiled. "YAY!"  
  
A few hours later...  
  
Shinigami Baby crept back into the dressing room and stepped over the pile on the floor that was Wufei and Sally. She grabbed the Bishounen Camera and left, giggling all the way.  
  
END  
  



	3. Default Chapter Title

Heh. If Treize and Zechs(13x6), Noin and Relena (9xR) as a couple really irks ya, or Heero and Duo(1x2)... don't read this!!! The Bishounen Camera ain't mine, I just sort of obtained it... heh heh... And yes, this fic is very much YAOI and YURI thank you. Oh yeah! Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, Crisco, OR Cheez-Its(although I own a box of Cheez-Its, but I don't think that counts...). Enjoy minnaaaaa!  
  
  
"The Bishounen Camera" Part 3  
by Shinigami Baby  
  
  
Lady Une was not easy at all to get by. She was a bigger threat than Catherine, and when she got physical... ouch. Shinigami Baby caressed her tail gently and remembered what happened earlier...  
  
*****  
  
"What the HELL are you doing in Treize-sama's office?!"  
  
"Uh... hoping to get some Yaoi action?" Shinigami Baby answered cheekily.  
  
Lady Une wasn't pleased. "Yaoi? Treize-sama? Hmph! Unlikely..."  
  
Shinigami Baby smirked. 'She's got no idea....' "Hey what are you- ITAIIIIIIIII!!!!"  
  
Lady Une dragged Shinigami Baby out of Treize's office by her tail and threw her out into the bushes.  
  
This was going to take a plan. Shinigami Baby's head began to hurt already...  
  
*****  
  
Shinigami Baby placed the Bishounen Camera in the window of Treize's office and waited... and waited... aaand waited... and--  
  
"Shhh! Did she see you?"  
  
"I don't think so. So... how do you wanna do this?"  
  
"Well YOU got to be the seme last time, I think it's only fair that I get to be the seme this time."  
  
"Ohhh alright... big baby..."  
  
Shinigami Baby smiled. OOOH! Was she getting a lemon!?  
  
"Okay, here's the Crisco..."  
  
"Crisco?!"  
  
"We ran out of the good stuff."  
  
"But Crisco? Come on now..."  
  
Damn it... maybe not...  
  
"FINE! You just won't get any."  
  
"Good, 'cuz I didn't wanna be the uke ANYWAY!"  
  
"Bitch."  
  
Shinigami Baby sweatdropped. Treize and Zechs were having one of THOSE fights. 'Blehh, I bet Heero and Duo are being more intresting right now...' she thought as she picked up the Bishounen Camera and headed off. Passing the grocery store in the Neko-moblie, she stopped short and sped into the parking lot. She saw Duo's hearse (is that how it's spelled?).  
  
She ran into the grocery store and tracked down Duo using her 'Bishounen Radar'. He was in the snack isle. She approached with caution, turning the camera on Duo.  
  
"This is the Braid Bishounen here in what is called the 'grocery store'." She began. "The Braid Bishounen is a hyper creature and tends to get stuck in a lot of Cross-Dressing, RFO(Relena Finds Out), and 1x2 fics. Usually the uke, he is stuck with the duty of putting up with Heero's weird fetishes such as maid outfits and whipped cream." The camera panned down to the contents of the shopping carriage. Along with insane amounts of junk food and steak, there was whipped cream, chocolate syrup, honey... Duo was in for some fun tonight. Either that or... nah, he was in for some fun tonight. *wink*  
  
"Okay lessee... I think I got everything I need here, now where's Hee-chan...?" Duo asked himself.  
  
"We see the Braid Bishounen here rechecking his list, wondering where his--"  
  
"DUO! Omae o korosu!"  
  
"Ahh... the DeathGlare Bishounen..."  
  
Duo sweatdropped. "Oi Hee-chan... heh heh..."  
  
"What the HELL are we gonna do with all this food!?" Heero demanded.  
  
"Eat it, DUH!" Duo replied sarcastically. That comment was followed by a violent tug on his braid. "ITAI!"  
  
"Hn. Serves ya right ya smartass..." Heero said.  
  
Duo pouted.  
  
"Oh, don't do that... Gomen ne, koi."  
  
Duo smiled and was about to glomp Heero, buuuuut...  
  
"HEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOO! Here I am so come and KILL meeee!"  
  
Shinigami Baby hid behind the Cheez-It display in fear. "It's the Stalker Shoujo!!! Possibly the most hated out of all Shoujo(besides the shrieky Dubbed Suzaku no Miko Shoujo), the Stalker Shoujo is very clingy and quite dense. Unaware of her target- the DeathGlare Bishounen-'s *ahem* preferences, the Stalker Shoujo takes it upon herself to... well, STALK him."  
  
"Hn. Ohayou Relena." Heero greeted dryly.  
  
Relena ran up to Heero and hugged him so hard his eyes crossed. Duo watched, his left eye twitching ever so slightly.  
  
"Oh Heero, I missed you SO much!" To emphasize just how much she missed Heero, she nearly squeezed the life out of him. Heero made a small grunt. Duo's eye twitched some more.  
  
"Ooooh I feel a bitch fight coming on..." Shinigami Baby said, peeking the Bishounen Camera lens between 2 boxes of Cheez-Its.  
  
"Oh, hey Duo-kun, I didn't even see you over there!" Relena said, smirking.  
  
Duo just gave a fake smile in response. "Well, I'm here." He said through clenched teeth. He grabbed Heero's arm. "C'mon Heero, I wanna get outta here so I can eat."  
  
Relena tugged on Heero's other arm. "But I want Hee-chan to go with ME."  
  
" 'Hee-chan'!?" Heero asked surprised.  
  
" 'Hee-chan'!?" Duo echoed. "Only I can call him that!"  
  
"Huh?!" Relena was just a bit shocked. "What do you mean Duo?"  
  
Duo kissed Heero on the cheek. "I mean, HIME [1], Hee-chan is MINE."  
  
Heero tried to hold back a smile. A possesive Duo always turned him on. Duo snaked his arm around Heero's waist. "C'mon koi, I'm makin' dinner tonight and I'M the main course." He stuck his tongue out at Relena and walked away with Heero and the shopping cart.  
  
Relena stood there for many minutes and a breeze that came from nowhere blew a newspaper across her face[2].  
  
"Things are gonna get ugly, minna..." Shinigami Baby whispered.  
  
Suddenly Relena radiated a scary red battle aura like Tamahome's [3] and ran outside after Duo and Heero. Shinigami Baby wasn't far behind, chanting "Cat Fight" over and over again.  
  
Relena made it out to the parking lot and quickly located her prey. Heero and Duo were loading their groceries into the trunk of the hearse (did I spell this right??), not expecting the oncoming carnage. She was just about there when a voice caught her attention.  
  
"Oi! Relena!"  
  
Relena spun around and saw Lucrezia Noin running toward her.  
  
"Hello, Noin."  
  
Noin was catching her breath. "Relena, have you seen Zechs around?"  
  
"Eerr, can't say I have, Noin."  
  
"... You're lying. Where is he!?"  
  
"Agh! He's at Treize Khushrenada's house!"  
  
"Why would he be there?"  
  
"Why do *you* think?"  
  
"AAAAAAH! Noooooooooo!" Noin screamed. "Not HIM too!"  
  
Relena nodded sadly. "Yes, I know. Hn. As it turns out, Heero's jumped over to their side of the fence as well."  
  
"Heero too!?"  
  
"Hai."  
  
"I'm all alone now!!!"  
  
"ME TOO!"  
  
The two young women held eachother sobbing.  
  
"Ooooh, I smell YURI!" Shinigami Baby said happily.  
  
Noin tilted Relena's chin up and kissed her gently. "Let's go to MY house. Who needs guys, anyway, ne?"  
  
Relena smiled and the tow of them ran off into the sunset holding hands. (Awww! Kodak Moment!) Shinigami Baby wiped a tear from the corner of her eye and sniffled. "That was beautiful! *sniff*"  
  
The hearse pulled away quickly.  
  
"KUSO! I missed 'em!" Shinigami Baby shouted as she ran after the car as fast as her legs would allow her before giving up.  
  
  
[1] Hime- Japanese for princess  
[2] That always happens in dramatic moments for no reason at all. I just it would be kinda funny heehee!  
[3] If you've seen Fushigi Yuugi (Mysterious Play) you know what I'm talking about. Trowa's done this in two of my fics ("Duo? Gay? NEVER!...Right?" and "Night Out At The Roller-Disco") as well. It's just funny to picture them doing this. *snicker*  
  
  
Okayyy that concludes my documentary series. *Reluctantly hands Yasashii the Bishounen Camera back* Hope yaz liked it, minna-san! Jaaaa!   
--Shinigami Baby =^_^=


End file.
